Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts with the label quest

The internet was right...

Dear Strangers,

As it turns out I am so thoroghly invisible online and in real life this has actually become very therapeutic for me. Writing this blog as whiny and pissy as I sound in every entry actually makes me feel a ton better when I do it. The best part is that I haven't even aroused the attention of the internet trolls yet. It is a beautiful thing to be able to just right shit out and not have anyone bitch at me for expressing my feelings. My deeply agonizing crippling feels...I still have no friends if you couldn't tell.
 I am still a pretty crappy person too i guess. My Bae as the kids these days say does not think i am a nice person, still loves me they say but I am not nice according to them. I honestly can't blame them for thinking like this, I'm the kinda asshole who leaves 1 dollar tips at restaurants because I don't want to break a twenty. I will not lend anyone my car, and I am entirely uninterested in forcing myself to converse with Bae's fr…

A flaw in how society works

I think I finally realized why I hate existance so much. Its the perpetual monotony of it all. We wake up everyday go to work, exercise, eat and sleep.

Everyday. the. same. thing.

It just repeats over and over and when we finally and free of this vicious cycle we are old amd gray and less able to go see what's out there in the world. I struggle to find joy in that concept.  I don't want a 30 year mortgage to carry on my degenerating shoulders, I don't want a giant mansion with a maid and lawn service I have to pay thru the nose just to be able to handle chores. I am not even someone who want to be a farmer and run out to the countryside and buy land to live off of. I just want a healthy balance, to not be terribly deep in the mundane crap heap of corporate america. You have to tell me friend(I'm calling you that now since I have none irl), do you really want to slave away your whole life for what basically amounts to paying for your headstone while your rugrats fight …

I can't believe I'm actually making progress...

Hi Stranger,

I am actually very surprised with myself, this last week I set a bunch of goals for myself to do some things that might make my life better. I wasn't so sure that I'd get to them since I'm very flakey with my resolve and I sure as hell didn't share my list with anyone I actually know. They just tend to be too motivated and stress me out when I tell them I have some ambition so its better not to let them know when I want to make a life change. But anyway, to my surprise I actually got off my ass and scheduled my dermatologist visit to remove some moles, gave my hair a trim AND I applied for some new jobs. I feel like I'm being productive at the moment which almost makes me happy-ish. Don't get me wrong though, I don't think this is the end all to my problems with life, just a surprisingly good start to some really important fixes I need to make.  My boss quit today too, so I guess I won't have a giant pain in my butt yelling at me for a sma…

I've had an epiphany, so my quest begins...

Hi stranger,

I have come to a realization today in my morning panic attack on the way to work. My self-loathing isnt just the ugly little gremlin that rides on my shoulder and says mean things to me all day long. It makes other people dislike me too, and is probably one of the reasons I have no real friends or family members that will listen to me and help me figure out how I shouldd navigate life when I can't do a lot of physically or mentally demanding task. I need to get rid of the gremlin, I need to get rid of the current very pathetic,sobbing,smelly me. I need to change and i want to change, and I refuse to do it by taking  more medications then I already have to cram down my throat. I will find some lifestyle that I can manage to hold together and today is the day I start doing something about it.

I don't know if you are there or not stranger but if you are, gosh golly please root for me to succeed with this big transformation. At the very least do it because you hope t…