Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts with the label lacking motivation

A flaw in how society works

I think I finally realized why I hate existance so much. Its the perpetual monotony of it all. We wake up everyday go to work, exercise, eat and sleep.

Everyday. the. same. thing.

It just repeats over and over and when we finally and free of this vicious cycle we are old amd gray and less able to go see what's out there in the world. I struggle to find joy in that concept.  I don't want a 30 year mortgage to carry on my degenerating shoulders, I don't want a giant mansion with a maid and lawn service I have to pay thru the nose just to be able to handle chores. I am not even someone who want to be a farmer and run out to the countryside and buy land to live off of. I just want a healthy balance, to not be terribly deep in the mundane crap heap of corporate america. You have to tell me friend(I'm calling you that now since I have none irl), do you really want to slave away your whole life for what basically amounts to paying for your headstone while your rugrats fight …

When you try to make lemonade with life's lemons

If you have no sugar, then the lemonade is really just watery lemon juice. I can't imagine how this is supposed to be a motivational phrase for people. I mean I get the point is supposed to be making something pleasant from something sour and gross,  but honestly what if you can't afford the sugar to make it less gross. The same goes for life to be honest, what do you do when you can't afford to leave your shitty job and can't try because you work 80 hour weeks? Or conversely, what if you are disabled enough not to be able to keep a job but the government doesn't classify you as disabled enough to need a disability check. Yes, this conversation has just taken a turn. Today I am going to complain about how hard fibromyalgia makes it to support any decent standard of living independency.

I have had fibromyalgia for about 7 years now  and I was born with bilateral hip dysplacia but no one caught it till just 2 years ago when I became symptomatic. I already am inevita…

The internet said talking could help...

Hi strangers,
 I once tried this blogging thing before but lost the motivation to keep at it. I find it very hard to be motivated...and cheerful...and not suicidal. But that isn't really my fault, I have a very complicated existance, yea it isn't what I'd call a life. To me I think life is something that is supposed to be happy so I honestly refuse to say i have one. I can't seem to find joy in anything. My current job is impossible, I can't seem to do anything right the first time around, I'm probably underqualified and need to consider new options. But I am physically and mentally limited because I have very severe fibromyalgia, and symptomatic hip dysplasia. I can't honestly remember what I said five seconds ago and my stuttering stumble for words makes everyone think I'm an idiot. Needless to say I have been depressed for many years, despite the lies I tell to my doctors. I just don't really have the time or money to be put in an asylum and for…