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Showing posts with the label acknowledging flaws

The internet was right...

Dear Strangers,

As it turns out I am so thoroghly invisible online and in real life this has actually become very therapeutic for me. Writing this blog as whiny and pissy as I sound in every entry actually makes me feel a ton better when I do it. The best part is that I haven't even aroused the attention of the internet trolls yet. It is a beautiful thing to be able to just right shit out and not have anyone bitch at me for expressing my feelings. My deeply agonizing crippling feels...I still have no friends if you couldn't tell.
 I am still a pretty crappy person too i guess. My Bae as the kids these days say does not think i am a nice person, still loves me they say but I am not nice according to them. I honestly can't blame them for thinking like this, I'm the kinda asshole who leaves 1 dollar tips at restaurants because I don't want to break a twenty. I will not lend anyone my car, and I am entirely uninterested in forcing myself to converse with Bae's fr…

Fibromyalgia induced depression is a bitch...

I can't help but feel like the depression that comes along with fibromyalgia has to be one of the worst forms of depression there is. In fact, I think it deserves its own classification within the spectrum of depression. One does not escape the painful and cutting feeling that fibromyalgia gives you, and you wouldn't believe how easy doctor's buy into you faking you aren't depressed. It's super easy to get out of actually having to deal with it in an adult fashion and get the psychological help you really need. To be frank, I wish that they made you go to therapy as a mandatory part of your treatment. I wish they had specially trained therapists that specifically deal with fibromyalgia patients. If you're in the same boat as me, you already know what colors your crazy flag has, you've accepted that your off and you know exactly why you have the problems you have. I cannot be the only one who has developer an anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive tendencie…

I can't believe I'm actually making progress...

Hi Stranger,

I am actually very surprised with myself, this last week I set a bunch of goals for myself to do some things that might make my life better. I wasn't so sure that I'd get to them since I'm very flakey with my resolve and I sure as hell didn't share my list with anyone I actually know. They just tend to be too motivated and stress me out when I tell them I have some ambition so its better not to let them know when I want to make a life change. But anyway, to my surprise I actually got off my ass and scheduled my dermatologist visit to remove some moles, gave my hair a trim AND I applied for some new jobs. I feel like I'm being productive at the moment which almost makes me happy-ish. Don't get me wrong though, I don't think this is the end all to my problems with life, just a surprisingly good start to some really important fixes I need to make.  My boss quit today too, so I guess I won't have a giant pain in my butt yelling at me for a sma…

I've had an epiphany, so my quest begins...

Hi stranger,

I have come to a realization today in my morning panic attack on the way to work. My self-loathing isnt just the ugly little gremlin that rides on my shoulder and says mean things to me all day long. It makes other people dislike me too, and is probably one of the reasons I have no real friends or family members that will listen to me and help me figure out how I shouldd navigate life when I can't do a lot of physically or mentally demanding task. I need to get rid of the gremlin, I need to get rid of the current very pathetic,sobbing,smelly me. I need to change and i want to change, and I refuse to do it by taking  more medications then I already have to cram down my throat. I will find some lifestyle that I can manage to hold together and today is the day I start doing something about it.

I don't know if you are there or not stranger but if you are, gosh golly please root for me to succeed with this big transformation. At the very least do it because you hope t…