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The internet was right...

 Dear Strangers,

As it turns out I am so thoroghly invisible online and in real life this has actually become very therapeutic for me. Writing this blog as whiny and pissy as I sound in every entry actually makes me feel a ton better when I do it. The best part is that I haven't even aroused the attention of the internet trolls yet. It is a beautiful thing to be able to just right shit out and not have anyone bitch at me for expressing my feelings. My deeply agonizing crippling feels...I still have no friends if you couldn't tell.
 I am still a pretty crappy person too i guess. My Bae as the kids these days say does not think i am a nice person, still loves me they say but I am not nice according to them. I honestly can't blame them for thinking like this, I'm the kinda asshole who leaves 1 dollar tips at restaurants because I don't want to break a twenty. I will not lend anyone my car, and I am entirely uninterested in forcing myself to converse with Bae's friends or really anyone's friends. I can't honestly even hope to begin to give a peck about how this one time they did this thing back in high school and they had such a great time and blah blah blah. But I don't really think its my fault that I don't give a peck.
I admit I am a terrible anti-social person, I'd even call myself cynical and jaded at this point. But I blame society for the fact that it isn't ok to admit to people I don't care about the conversation. A lot of times people just slowly cut you out of the conversation because they have more to talk about by reminscing. Like damn Tommy thanks for making me the awkward asshole who has to sit smiling like an idiot because you just had to start talking about that inside joke from summer camp 5 years ago. I don't get why pudding is so funny dude I wasn't there if i had been I would be yucking it up but its all good...fuck tommy...no its not ok, its very rude on his side to close of the conversation! This isn't even just exclusively a Bae issue its a weird norm and I think it is stupid! We all either do this or play interrogation with the people we meet thru other people. It's like, shit Becky stop asking me where I live and what car I drive we met 5 minutes ago!
I am so unable to cope with social situations anymore I basically give up on trying to now days. I will make small take and I'll communicate if I need to but I don't care if I seem rude anymore I let people know when I'm done with the chitty chat. I think in the end things probably won't work out between me and Bae, I don't plan on changing anytime soon, we both have different goals and ambitions, and in all honesty I don't find Bae to be the supportive amazing person that I need to start picking myself back up. I honestly feel like they get so angry with me for not being normal. They don't seem to even care that I have a lot of sicknesses that prevent me from doing stuff and behaving in the way they'd like. I put in more effort to try to be the amazing person they seem to think I should or could be but I feel like I always end up being a disappointment. Always.
Guess I will end up being the living embodiment of a meme from 2010. Forever Alone...I'll just have to get used to it I guess. I don't think anyone could really love and care about a borderline cripple mentally challenged grouch like me. I know no one reads this stuff, and I know it probably won't get read but if anyone is here and you too are a grouchy crippley person and have someone who treats you well, genuinely cares about your wellbeing, and loves you flaws and all let me know. I could use a little hope in my life.

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