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I've had an epiphany, so my quest begins...

Hi stranger,

I have come to a realization today in my morning panic attack on the way to work. My self-loathing isnt just the ugly little gremlin that rides on my shoulder and says mean things to me all day long. It makes other people dislike me too, and is probably one of the reasons I have no real friends or family members that will listen to me and help me figure out how I shouldd navigate life when I can't do a lot of physically or mentally demanding task. I need to get rid of the gremlin, I need to get rid of the current very pathetic,sobbing,smelly me. I need to change and i want to change, and I refuse to do it by taking  more medications then I already have to cram down my throat. I will find some lifestyle that I can manage to hold together and today is the day I start doing something about it.

I don't know if you are there or not stranger but if you are, gosh golly please root for me to succeed with this big transformation. At the very least do it because you hope that if you ever become like me, or are like me, you will be able to rebound and re-breath life back into yourself. I am dead afraid of change, I have had the same hair cut since I was eight years old, I've never slept over at a friends house, and I won't move out of my parents house because I'm insurmountably afraid I'll hate being alone even though I am so frustrated with living with family members. I don't think it can be helped, I have bad anxiety issues, like a Chihuahua, and I'm fine admitting that. I intend to start this change very slowly, so I don't overwhelm and go back to my old ways.

My first list of things I want to change are probably not actually that interesting but here they are:
-Cut hair
-Sell old clothes
-Fix Acne
-Save money on female based products(i.e. makeup, nailpolish, hairspray, period products)
-Get ride of bodily moles
-Control emotional outburst/crying fits/snapping

The rest are relatively more complicated so once I'm ok with the upper list and have a bit of a buzz going I think I'll start tackling these:
-Do housework
-Find a job I actually can live with
-Get a small fixer-upper and renovate it
-Live in my fixer-upper
-Start gardening my own foods
-Exit the rat race and live in the hippy fashion

Stranger telling you my plan is definitely going to help me remember what it was i wanted to get better about so thanks for hearing me out. If you are as miserable eith your life asI am I hope you find your epiphany. If I actually managed to help your wheels start turning for your epiphany let me know. I think it could be interesting to know who else is out there in the same type if boat I am.

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